To the People on the Outskirts

The most frustrating thing? Seeing people watch others struggle, and do just that; watch. You never know what you could say that may affect someone's life positively, however, by remaining distanced, the only impact you have is negative. It doesn't hurt to try. We all have an influence, whether we want to or not. Make it positive.

I was listening to a podcast recently from Worship Center's 'Living Room' programme that talked about the legacy we live and leave. It talked about how our daily choices affect the people around us, and our success is not measured by what we can currently see, as there is always so much more happening in the background people are unaware of. In essence, saying we have an impact on those around us, even when we think we don't. Specifically, the podcast talked about how the question isn't, 'Are you impacting someone?', rather, if you're alive and breathing (which you must be since you're reading this), you're impacting someone and therefore, the question is, 'What life are you living and what legacy will that leave?'

Sometimes the struggle is silent. Sometimes we're so tuned into our own heads that we're ignorant to the world around us. Other times, we're not in the right mental place ourselves to be any use to others. We all have limits and need boundaries. Does that mean you should blatantly ignore a person undergoing a clear struggle? Not at all.

I've watched people feel so uncomfortable that another is struggling they just ignore them in a group. They're upset so they wouldn't want to contribute. They're upset so they don't want attention drawn to them. They're upset and I can't help so if I pretend they aren't there then my life is made easier. A bit selfish, wouldn't you say? 

Sorry to be harsh, but it does not take much to remember that someone suffering is still a human. Wondering what you can do? Here are a few suggestions...

• Include them in the conversation - 'What do you think?' - they may not reply with confidence, but sometimes someone needs reminded that their presence is noted.
• Appreciate every victory - 'It's good to see you here!' - you don't know how tough it may have been for them to turn up.
• Smile at them - every little encouragement counts. 
• Little acts of kindness - offering a sweet, saving them a seat, inviting them personally even if they're in a group chat - they probably aren't being kind to themselves, so they need a bit of reminding. 
• Wait. Do not lose hope. You cannot stand back during their battle and expect to resume when things are 'better'. Just because they didn't want to come that time, does not mean you can assume they won't want to again. 
• Listen out - I'm not saying you have to be an ear to venting if you don't feel capable of that or comfortable. However, sometimes little statements have the greatest power, and if in doubt, tell someone else. Things like 'It'll be over soon', 'Who cares if I'm here or not?', 'I can't do this anymore'. Ask a bit deeper, or let someone else know. There are always warning signs, the thing is if you pick up on them or not. 

Bring someone a cup of tea, or offer for a movie night, or just say hi. I assure you that that person notices those actions, and they notice when you're awkwardly avoiding eye contact with them. You are making an impact, so make it a positive one. We're called to be loving towards one another, so love as you are loved by God. It's not a suggestion, it's a command. 

Take care

'A friend loves at all times.' Proverbs 17:17