Sanctuary in the Storm

I am in a storm right now. Actually, I’m in a sanctuary watching a storm unfold, if I’m honest. And if I’m fully truthful, that sanctuary is in the storm with me, too. Essentially we’re in a storm and it’s a bit of a mess. But it is safe.

I’ve hit a bit of a low that I haven’t fallen to in quite some time recently. You know that point when existing is quite painful and your brain feels like it’s in a fog, completely separate? That. Living hasn’t really been top of my favourite tasks the past while. I still love life, and I love being in Durham as much as I love going home to spend time with the motherships, pups, and familiarity around me. It's more of a background nagging that easily becomes most prominent when my mind is left empty of distraction. However, this is also a mark of progress. 

Previously I would have contentedly indulged in these thoughts. Not indulged, so to speak, rather, easily gripped by them. There would have been little fight. For the first time, I am resisting every thought that says my life is not worth living, it would be better for everyone if I wasn’t here, that I don’t deserve to live. Whilst these are not all that I am thinking and I am so far from my lowest point, it is easier to pay more attention to the thoughts bringing you down than it ever is the ones celebrating your successes. As bleak as I may sound, I am okay, and I know what to do if I am ever not. What I'm trying to say is that previously, I would've been grasped by these thoughts and let them consume me, whereas now I am fighting back and listening to the purpose of my life. I can have the thoughts without the thoughts having me. 

I have been in my sanctuary. My sanctuary of God. The immediate thing I’ve turned to is God through prayer and His word. It’s been a massive source of comfort and grounding for me despite the turmoil of my brain. Whilst I have viewed it that I cannot live my life in a blanket reading my Bible, and therefore had to leave the sanctuary often, I realised something tonight; I am forever in this sanctuary.

When you become a Christian, you are made new. You are called to ‘put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness’ in Ephesians 4:24. You are no longer alive; your previous self is replaced, and Christ lives in you instead. Galatians 2 puts it, ‘I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.’ Is there anything greater? 

Not getting the glorious bit of this yet? Let me explain. Christ is good. He is perfect, lawful, gracious, patient, loving, faithful, joyful, and everything else we are called to be. He is all good and only good. And He lives in us, replacing all of our flaws and transgressions. We are called to ‘be transformed by the renewal of your mind’ (Romans 12:2) as God changes us to become more like Christ through our faith. 

The comfort I get from God is therefore with me all the time. As a Christian, I belong to Christ, I live in Him. And as He dwells in me, I am surrounded and filled with Christ. Essentially, wherever I go, the sanctuary comes too. It is never me and the storm. It is always me, my sanctuary, and the storm. 

My storm may be a Goliath, a Moab, death - all of which He has already defeated. When he said ‘It is finished’ He meant this too. This questioning, this battle, this which causes you so much pain. God has already won the victory when Jesus rose from the dead. You’re on the side of the victorious. The storm has no hope. 

This is a losing battle for the storm. And our God has already won this war; ‘But thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.’ 1 Corinthians 15:57

You got this.

Take care,