Effects of Existing (or thinking too much...)
I do not handle existentialism well. That's an understatement. I am woeful, tragic, horrendous, at handling the prospect of existentialism, existing, and the very nature of being. Studying the "Absurd" and Camus' "The Outsider" is most definitely not helping either... I suppose there's only one way to deal with such crises, though: accept. Exist. Keep existing. Day by day.
My poor, little, overworked brain is often in a twist. Throw in, "Hey there is no point in existing since when we die thaT'S IT!!?@>!!!!" and it becomes more tangled than the earphones you lost four years ago. Existing isn't all that bad nowadays, actually, but the thought of it? Nope.
I love the idea of reincarnation. The concept that we come back in different forms with no recollection of our past selves, simply developing more and more our values, insight, and wisdom. But, where does that end? How did we ever come to being? How many times have I "been"? And how have I still this whole life thing into a disaster, again?
However, I'm not too sure I believe in it. It's a comforting idea, that's for sure. We never really have an end, or a beginning, so to speak, and we grow constantly. But there has to be a beginning. I believe that there is a God. I believe our paths are set out for us, and through a combination of free will and fate, we get to where we need to be. We all have a purpose.
Afterwards? I'm clueless. I fear the idea of "Heaven" and "Hell". I fear doing wrong and not obtaining forgiveness, or enough of it. What if I'm trapped in misery for more years than I was given to live? If I get to Heaven, will my loved ones be there? What if I do something wrong there? I know the idea is that Heaven is perfect, yet my fear of messing up, or not making it there, is suffocating to me. My OCD latched onto this at one point, and I spent regular life trapped in prayer.Please forgive me for breathing your precious air and being ungrateful for it. Please forgive me for eating food from companies harming your planet. Please forgive me for drinking excessive amounts of Pepsi max.
You don't have to have it all solved.
Take care.
My poor, little, overworked brain is often in a twist. Throw in, "Hey there is no point in existing since when we die thaT'S IT!!?@>!!!!" and it becomes more tangled than the earphones you lost four years ago. Existing isn't all that bad nowadays, actually, but the thought of it? Nope.
I love the idea of reincarnation. The concept that we come back in different forms with no recollection of our past selves, simply developing more and more our values, insight, and wisdom. But, where does that end? How did we ever come to being? How many times have I "been"? And how have I still this whole life thing into a disaster, again?
However, I'm not too sure I believe in it. It's a comforting idea, that's for sure. We never really have an end, or a beginning, so to speak, and we grow constantly. But there has to be a beginning. I believe that there is a God. I believe our paths are set out for us, and through a combination of free will and fate, we get to where we need to be. We all have a purpose.
Afterwards? I'm clueless. I fear the idea of "Heaven" and "Hell". I fear doing wrong and not obtaining forgiveness, or enough of it. What if I'm trapped in misery for more years than I was given to live? If I get to Heaven, will my loved ones be there? What if I do something wrong there? I know the idea is that Heaven is perfect, yet my fear of messing up, or not making it there, is suffocating to me. My OCD latched onto this at one point, and I spent regular life trapped in prayer.
You don't have to have it all solved.
Take care.
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