It Might Take Longer
Today, I am impatient. In six weeks, the wait will be over. A-Level results will be revealed, and hopefully, my future secured (at least for another 3 years...maybe?). I'm aware that that time will fly in. But that doesn't make the painful wait any shorter. Despite my attempts at positivity, I'm preparing myself for the absolute worst, and trusting that it's in greater hands; what is meant to be, will be.
Nowadays, it's expected that when you finish your GCSE's, which should all be A*'s, by the way, you're meant to take on 4 AS subjects, nail them, drop to 3 for your A2 year, get 3 A*'s, and go to university, one high in the league tables, to train for a job you'll just walk into. Right?
Nope. The reality is, life happens. Sometimes you don't do as well in your GCSE's because you fall ill or don't handle exams well or something happens in your life. You may not attempt 4 AS subjects. Maybe you do, but it brings your grade values down. It's likely that league tables don't even come into your university decision - you have to go where feels right for you. Moreover, you may not even go to university or do A-Levels. And that is totally acceptable.
I've wanted to go to Durham since I came across it in Year 10, before the reality of the grades they wanted really meant anything. I thought that I would take a perfect route. A walk in the park, really. I would get honours, get top grades, have everything on a plate. Ideally, on the 17th August 2017, I would have it sealed, have achieved the plan, be going to Durham.
Naturally though, it didn't work like that. Nothing ever does. Really, Year 11 and the start of GCSE's marked the beginning of tackling the perfectionism that blazed within me, seeking Top. I never got the honours blazer, prefect, top grades. But I got enough. It wasn't a mark of showing my flaws, it was a lesson - nobody is perfect. Some things aren't meant to be, they aren't suited for who I am. If I got an honours blazer, the pressure of Oxbridge would've been imminent and since my perfectionism had only been fuelled, I would've worked myself to mere shreds of myself to get there, to a place not suited for who I am, and where I would have potentially ended up quite ill.
Instead, I got acceptable GCSE grades, had low expectations for my AS results since I had such poor attendance due to being in hospital, and was really quite pleased with myself the day results came. I learnt. It was okay that I only did 3 AS subjects. The expected, straight path is not how it always ends up.
This year, I firmed my UCAS offer. But I may not make it. I may miss my offer. I may have failed my A2's. I may achieve my offer, but choose to defer a year, or decline it entirely. I may decide that it's not for me. It might take longer to get there. I may not follow the route I am expected to.
And that is okay.
If I choose against university, I could get a job as a classroom assistant or dog walker (who would complain?). I could write a book in that year. I could repeat some exams. I could go to college for an extra two years and do new spec A-Levels. I could learn a new language. I could work a boring job, and save up to travel - Toronto, perhaps, since I have incredible family there. Maybe I'll volunteer with an elephant sanctuary in Thailand. I could look at "Access" university courses. I could do a foundation year. I could become a competing triathlete, although this is unlikely because I can't swim. With a whole year, though, it's possible.
The bottom line is that if I don't get into university this year, that is okay. There are other paths. I know it's cliché, but it is true. Life isn't one size fits all. You don't have to go to university or travel the world this year, it might take longer. It does not make you worthless or inadequate. If anything, your perseverance is admirable. It's okay if you don't achieve something when "everyone else" does.
Things don't always work out the way you expect them to. But they will always work out.
Nowadays, it's expected that when you finish your GCSE's, which should all be A*'s, by the way, you're meant to take on 4 AS subjects, nail them, drop to 3 for your A2 year, get 3 A*'s, and go to university, one high in the league tables, to train for a job you'll just walk into. Right?
Nope. The reality is, life happens. Sometimes you don't do as well in your GCSE's because you fall ill or don't handle exams well or something happens in your life. You may not attempt 4 AS subjects. Maybe you do, but it brings your grade values down. It's likely that league tables don't even come into your university decision - you have to go where feels right for you. Moreover, you may not even go to university or do A-Levels. And that is totally acceptable.
I've wanted to go to Durham since I came across it in Year 10, before the reality of the grades they wanted really meant anything. I thought that I would take a perfect route. A walk in the park, really. I would get honours, get top grades, have everything on a plate. Ideally, on the 17th August 2017, I would have it sealed, have achieved the plan, be going to Durham.
Naturally though, it didn't work like that. Nothing ever does. Really, Year 11 and the start of GCSE's marked the beginning of tackling the perfectionism that blazed within me, seeking Top. I never got the honours blazer, prefect, top grades. But I got enough. It wasn't a mark of showing my flaws, it was a lesson - nobody is perfect. Some things aren't meant to be, they aren't suited for who I am. If I got an honours blazer, the pressure of Oxbridge would've been imminent and since my perfectionism had only been fuelled, I would've worked myself to mere shreds of myself to get there, to a place not suited for who I am, and where I would have potentially ended up quite ill.
Instead, I got acceptable GCSE grades, had low expectations for my AS results since I had such poor attendance due to being in hospital, and was really quite pleased with myself the day results came. I learnt. It was okay that I only did 3 AS subjects. The expected, straight path is not how it always ends up.
And that is okay.
If I choose against university, I could get a job as a classroom assistant or dog walker (who would complain?). I could write a book in that year. I could repeat some exams. I could go to college for an extra two years and do new spec A-Levels. I could learn a new language. I could work a boring job, and save up to travel - Toronto, perhaps, since I have incredible family there. Maybe I'll volunteer with an elephant sanctuary in Thailand. I could look at "Access" university courses. I could do a foundation year. I could become a competing triathlete, although this is unlikely because I can't swim. With a whole year, though, it's possible.
The bottom line is that if I don't get into university this year, that is okay. There are other paths. I know it's cliché, but it is true. Life isn't one size fits all. You don't have to go to university or travel the world this year, it might take longer. It does not make you worthless or inadequate. If anything, your perseverance is admirable. It's okay if you don't achieve something when "everyone else" does.
Things don't always work out the way you expect them to. But they will always work out.
Take care.
Jeremiah 29:11
There are other ways to get qualified - have a look at degree level apprenticeships too. Durham might even offer them. If Durham says no to you then they are the ones missing out, not you.
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