Gentle Words
A week before my 21st birthday I was faced head-on with some of the greatest kindness I could ever imagine, and it was so gentle and kind. Truthfully, I have opened it every day since and still explode internally with amazement at how loving and gracious the Lord is through some pretty special people in my life.
My very lovely housemates put together a selection of very 'me' gifts, including a yellow 'early bird' mug (as I'm known as the house early riser, no thanks to 7am meetings), a fake plant (or if alive, it will now be very dead...), and other goodies. However, a big part of it, if not the prime gift, was a jar. You should note that at this point I had essentially been squealing as I attempted to comprehend the love that was being expressed; I was already crushingly overwhelmed with the kindness and love of these marvellous little beans when I opened the jar to find an accumulation of thoughtful birthday messages from a lot of my closest friends.
I have spent a lot of 2019 getting to grips with the idea that I am loved. Initially, the statement itself made me squirm and cringe and brought me right back to 2015 wincing through the affirmation, 'I am kind', but slowly and surely, we are getting there. It continues to be a battle, but ultimately I am assured that the Bible says that I am loved and I cannot be special enough to be the only exception to that Godly truth.
There is slowly coming to that realisation over the course of a year. And then there is being given a jar that accumulates all of it.
I could not read one note and not read another because that would express favoritism(obviously) so my poor housemates at an already late time had to sit with me exploding a little bit more as I opened and skimmed each message. I say skim because it is difficult to take in so many kind and gracious and undeserved words at once, and the part of my brain still resistant to the Truth of being loved was getting hit after hit in its guts.
So, I read them all again the next day.
And the next day.
And the next day.
And I brought it home in my hand luggage. And have proceeded to read it time and time and time again.
Not only is it so appealing because of the time taken to message my friends and hand write their messages out and to even have the desire to show me such love, but there's a profound gentleness to my lovely little jar.
Each message generally affirms the same belief and attitude towards me in different phrasing; I'm not falsified as a great football player or the smartest in the university, but they all gently point to similar traits. The greatest impact created here is by the recurrent nudgings in the same soft spot. No message is harsh, or written in spite (at least that I can tell). The love pours over entirely.
Being disillusioned with the English literature half of my degree, it presented a humbling reminder; words are powerful. In fact, perhaps gentle words are the most powerful.
Through 2019, God has blessed me with a lot of growth, a lot of kindness, and a whole lot of love, and I go into 2020 slightly less cynical and a whole lot softer in heart and words.
My very lovely housemates put together a selection of very 'me' gifts, including a yellow 'early bird' mug (as I'm known as the house early riser, no thanks to 7am meetings), a fake plant (or if alive, it will now be very dead...), and other goodies. However, a big part of it, if not the prime gift, was a jar. You should note that at this point I had essentially been squealing as I attempted to comprehend the love that was being expressed; I was already crushingly overwhelmed with the kindness and love of these marvellous little beans when I opened the jar to find an accumulation of thoughtful birthday messages from a lot of my closest friends.
I have spent a lot of 2019 getting to grips with the idea that I am loved. Initially, the statement itself made me squirm and cringe and brought me right back to 2015 wincing through the affirmation, 'I am kind', but slowly and surely, we are getting there. It continues to be a battle, but ultimately I am assured that the Bible says that I am loved and I cannot be special enough to be the only exception to that Godly truth.
There is slowly coming to that realisation over the course of a year. And then there is being given a jar that accumulates all of it.
I could not read one note and not read another because that would express favoritism
So, I read them all again the next day.
And the next day.
And the next day.
And I brought it home in my hand luggage. And have proceeded to read it time and time and time again.
Not only is it so appealing because of the time taken to message my friends and hand write their messages out and to even have the desire to show me such love, but there's a profound gentleness to my lovely little jar.
Each message generally affirms the same belief and attitude towards me in different phrasing; I'm not falsified as a great football player or the smartest in the university, but they all gently point to similar traits. The greatest impact created here is by the recurrent nudgings in the same soft spot. No message is harsh, or written in spite (at least that I can tell). The love pours over entirely.
Being disillusioned with the English literature half of my degree, it presented a humbling reminder; words are powerful. In fact, perhaps gentle words are the most powerful.
Through 2019, God has blessed me with a lot of growth, a lot of kindness, and a whole lot of love, and I go into 2020 slightly less cynical and a whole lot softer in heart and words.
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