Freshers' Reflections

By the time I was in my final year of school, I had spent six years with my year group and would be finishing my seventh with them. At university, most undergraduate degrees are three or four years. Three years ago I was entering into a final year and boy, a lot has changed. This year, it happens again - final year. I don't have much wisdom to give, if I'm honest, but I wish I could tell my fresher self some of these important things.

1. This does not have to be the Best Time Ever

Freshers week gets unfairly hyped up. You hear stories of people making their Best Ever Life Long Friends during that period of mayhem. Truthfully? That isn't the case for the majority of people. You won't remember a lot of names, and when they pop up on your Facebook timeline there will be considerable confusion. But when it is hard, chat to someone; a phone call home, message a friend, have some alone time. Which leads me to my second point...

2. You don't have to do everything

Three things happening at once? Of course I'm going to manage to be at all of them! Simultaneously! Easy! Uhhh, no. At Durham, events are ran by colleges and so they tend to try to cater to a number of different interests and personality types, but it isn't always possible. Plus, how you're feeling will fluctuate. If you need a night off, take a night off! I'll never forget going to a white t-shirt party on my first night in college, forcing myself to endure small talk and drunken beings trying to draw on me without expressing the sheer awkwardness that I had already forgotten their name. It happens. If there's a silent disco though, go to that. Anything else is optional.

3. There's freedom

No one is going to check attendance at anything, unless it's compulsory, in which case you should definitely attend that. Outside of that, don't give in to our FOMO culture. Likewise, don't give in to the desire to remain the same as you once were. You will not leave university as the same person you were when you filled in a UCAS form. If you want to try ball-dancing, try it. If you want to wear thematic socks, I recommend you do so. If you want to take up running, then that's odd but sure whatever, why not. Yet, there is a clause...

4. Still be you

People talk about reinventing yourself when you go away for university. I was three months into a long and mesmerising transformation God was beginning, but my baby-Christian self thought she could also make herself new. One of the first people I chatted to recognised me from an article in the Times on OCD in young people, and another who had done work experience in my school recalled a teacher introducing me as 'the bane of his existence'. It's a classic Northern Irish tale of everyone knowing someone who knows them. But it rings a stark message; you still are you. I was shocked when anxiety got the better of me or when I hid from the cleaner (every week), yet I knew my own story - I should have known myself rather than tried to abandon myself.

5. Set your priorities

It's easy to have unrealistic expectations for Freshers' Week, but having some key things you want to prioritise is ideal for making the most of the opportunities offered. As a Christian, a major one was engaging in church walkdowns and having someone to walk to church with, asking them questions about said church and finding out more about the church scene at Durham. I cannot recommend prioritising church enough; if it wasn't for the coffees and chats I had during that week and subsequent time after I would never have settled where I did or found my Durham church to be such a home and refuge.

Additionally, I had also made a promise to my nurse prior to leaving that I wouldn't hide at university; the tone of this was set from the get-go. If I hid during Freshers, emerging after then would be a nightmare. There's a line between hiding and self-preservation and I urge you to look after yourself and your needs, but also do not be held back by worries, fears or anxieties. Grab what you can with what you can.

6. Try another week

This week does not summarise what the first month, term, or year of university will look like. Push yourself to try for a little bit longer. Just try another week. 

Take care.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27