Taking Time

It turns out that there are productive people at university. Who knew? I long to count myself part of their clan. You know, the people who actually tick things off their to-do list as opposed to pass it onto the next day? The dream. Regardless, I have to be where my feet are, and right now, that looks like taking a bit more time than others might need. And that's okay.


I'm rather awful at giving myself time. My very mushy brain feels like it has just missed a train containing all of my friends as they head off in productivity, and I'm on the platform, bogged down with stuff, left behind. Instead of waiting for the next train, sitting and taking it easy after rushing to the platform, I run after the train in a desperate plea. I exhaust and frustrate myself more. I miss the next train. I should just take. the. time. and. wait.

This current fog does not feel like it's going to lift. Ever. My limbs feel heavy, my head feels like it is floating seven feet higher than my body, my feet cannot seem to move forward. As infuriating as it is, I need to remain where my feet are. And that's okay. Even though the fog does not feel like it is going to lift; it will. It will take time. But it will. 

It means utilising deadline extensions. It's taking extra breaks and going for walks and trusting that what needs done will get done (cough, God, cough). It's drinking extra sweetened tea and breaking my to-do list down more and taking each second as it comes. 

It means trusting. God's grace is continually filling the gap between what I can do and what I need to do. At the start of term, I handed in a rather pathetic essay a day late. I've produced better writing at GCSE never mind a university-level assignment. Truthfully, I think I wanted to fail it for the sheer excuse of dropping out because it would prove my incapability, but God's plan is always greater, and His grace steps in. Undeservingly, I got a high 2.1. Because His grace filled the gap. 

That doesn't mean I lounge back and let God do the thing whilst I put nothing in. Rather, I give what I can, regardless of how minuscule that is, and He makes it into what it needs to be. 

Unlike the people around me, I'm not writing thousands of words a day or submitting summatives early or hitting 70+ marks. The goal posts look a little bit different for me right now; God still sees the achievement as valuable. God still sees me as His precious daughter, worthy of death on a Cross, when I am not at what the world considers 'peak productivity'. Like the poor widow in Luke 21:1-4, I give the tiny amount I can to God, which looks like pennies compared to the abundant offerings of others, and He holds it up. He doesn't say that it's not enough, or condemn me for not 'trying harder'. He takes what I can give, the little amount that it is, and His grace fills the gap. 

So, I give God all I can. I trust that it is enough. I trust that it is His grace that will fill the gap. And I take time. I do what I can to the best extent possible, for God, and I know that He will make it into what it needs to be. 

His grace fills the gap. 

Take care.

'Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.' Matthew 17:20

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