Take Up Space

A huge blessing in my life has been the support of my church family in letting me store items in their homes, rather than paying for storage or shipping the concerning amount of items I have gathered over the academic year home. Accepting a kind and graceful act has always been a difficulty for me; I have never felt worthy of it. In this case, I felt guilty for the fact I was taking up space in their home. 'But, A, they would not make such a provision if they couldn't do it you absolute eejit!' Yeah. I'm beginning to see that this correlates elsewhere in my life too.

Taking up space. It's a strange concept in the modern world of minimalism, smaller clothes sizes, reduced food portions. I mean, how dare we even consider to consume unnecessary area when it could be used in another way? Haven't you heard that the new trend is to be less, not to be unique? Less is more; less calories, more chemicals.

It certainly is a strange world. When you zoom out of inner societal life it is easy to see that this makes no sense. We are taught that to have a better life we are to have a smaller self. So much so that I find it has been ingrained in me to feel guilt for taking up any surface area on earth. Perhaps it is typical British culture and I'm being my usual dramatic self, but to me, this is not okay. I cannot help the fact I have two feet rather than one which would enable me to take up less space. I can't just chop some organs out to be reduced in shape. Why should we strive to be any less than human? Or, should I say, lesser humans.

I don't think I have ever truly allowed myself to take up space. I apologise for being in the way of people who can easily walk past me and I detest the prospect of being a burden on anyone, be it a metaphorical space or literal one. I will do anything to avoid weighting individuals who do not need extra kilograms.

However, isn't consuming space part of the natural human condition? Therefore, if we decrease our consumption of space, we decrease our level of human-ness.

When you shrink, it is not merely your body mass index that decreases. Your entirety decreases, too. Your legs may get thinner, but your patience does too. Your waist may get smaller, but so does the list of friends you have, and the number of meaningful conversations you can engage in. Your clothes size may decrease, but so does your sense of self-worth. Your back  may get bonier, and it gets harder to stand yourself, physically and metaphorically. Perhaps your arms get smaller, but your ability to give and receive hugs also diminish - lifting your arms is exhausting, and people get the opposite of comfort when they can feel your skeleton.

Less is not more. Instead of less you, what about less self-deprecation? Less self-hate, more appreciation. Less diets, more acceptance. Less guilt, more freedom. Less apologies, more confidence. Less bitterness, more forgiveness.

You have been giving this body, of this size, and this baggage, because God designed you in that way. He made humans. And He said it was very good.

More you. More loving. Even more God.

You are allowed to take up space.

I am allowed to take up space.

Take care,