Here is Why

Lately I've found myself constantly asking myself, 'Why?' Why am I doing this? Why did I choose this university, or this course? Why did I come back for third term? Why should I bother sitting my exams? Why should I even be on the planet? I haven't got a definite answer right now, and I am wrestling majorly with my mind and God over a lot of things. But, here are some of my 'whys' - be it why I got out of bed today, why I'm revising for my exams, why I'm still trusting in Him. Whatever you need this list for, I hope it gives you some kind of reason. 

Because He loves me. 

Even at our most unlovable moments, He loves us. His love is incomprehensible, and in reality, love is God - He defines all love since He loves so fully, so deeply, and so greatly. The power of that love, and the knowledge of that love, keeps me going. I cannot even comprehend its greatness, never mind have any means to return it to God, but it means I am fully approved, fully assured, and fully cared about, so I can let the small things go, and the big things, too, really. Because God loves me, I am filled with enough self-love to last me a lifetime worth of self-hate. That love is something I want to share as a result; I want every single person to experience the depth of His love because there is nothing comparable.

John 3:16 'For God so loved the world that he gave his only son so that whoever believes in him will not perish, but will have eternal life.'

Romans 5:8 'But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.' 

To make a cup of tea.

A hug in a mug is a perfect, if seemingly small, reason to keep going. Why did I come into the kitchen? Oh yes, to make a cup of tea. Why should I get out of bed? To make a cup of tea. Why was I late for the seminar? I was making a cup of tea.

Because He has put me here for a reason. 

Due to God's great love for us, He thinks about and considers each and every one of us. Jeremiah 29:11 is a common known verse regarding God's plan, stating, 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.' It is not a verse confirming ease or safety, rather that there is a hope in the midst of all difficulty, and a prosperous plan coming. 

Moreover, I didn't fully appreciate this verse until I read it in the New King James Version which says, 'For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.' I suppose God thinking about little old me struck a more personal chord. The idea of plans made me imagine a big bluepint page where I slotted in wherever I was needed and that's God wanted me for. But, thoughts? He thinks about me. He thinks about me, amidst eight billion people, He still has time for me. Every single minor, seemingly insignificant choice has a reason and purpose behind it. How incredible?

Romans 8:28 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'

Exodus 9:16 'But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.'

To go to Tesco.

One of my favourite things about going home is when mum shouts up if I need anything from the shop. You mean... I don't have to go myself? Result. However, this is often a motivation for me because I always forget something vital, like toothpaste or toilet roll. Also, there are plenty of nice things like chocolate and tea bags in Tesco. Basically, you can kind of solve your life there.

Because I made a promise. 

When I was leaving CAMHS just over a year ago, my nurse turned to me and said, 'A, it would be really easy for you to shut down and hide at university. Promise me you won't do that.' So I promised. Weeks hiding in my room are not an option, although admittedly I do sometimes avoid the kitchen if someone else is in there, but that's nothing major, right? I cannot let myself go into shut down because that only makes it harder to get the light back in. 

To glorify and worship Him. 

If I were on an empty, desert island, what would I do? My immediate thought when asked was something cynical and death-related, but when I appreciated that that was not acceptable nor the result sought for, I said 'praise'. That, my friends, is our sole purpose. We exist to glorify Him, to worship Him, and praise Him. None of this is about us. Testimony, for example, isn't about how much we have overcame, but how God worked in our lives, so that we could go on to glorify and spread His name. It's not optional. Being called to obedience as His children, God tells us to 'go, and make disciples of all nations' (Matther 28:19). So, if there is one purpose, one aim for me to do, ever, it is that.

1 Chronicles 16:24 'Declare his glory among the nations, his marvellous works amond all the peoples!'

1 Corinthians 10:31 'Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.'

For the JOY.

Prior to reading Philippians, I had never quite related to Paul. In Philippians 1, though, he says, 'I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account' (Phil 1:23-24). Paul knows joy is coming after death. We were not made to live in this fallen world, with flaws and hurt and sin. We were made to be with Christ, in Eden, living in Paradise. When He returns, however, that is the new earth spoken about. This world is not meant to be comfortable. I feel it frequently, wanting to be anywhere but the fallen world we live in, yet, I have to trust in His timing. He has me here for a reason, and there is nothing I will endure that He won't recognise. I'm trusting in His timing, His will, and His promise. 

Romans 8:18 'I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.'

James 1:2-4 'Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.'

Needless to say, it's easier to talk about all of this than it is to fully accept and believe it. However, the one way I can (am learning to) tackle the lies my mind feeds me is through Gospel truths. He speaks truth beyond all darkness; He is the light. 

Take care

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.' Proverbs 3:5