Figures, Numbers, Letters

I've said before that I love letters, and I do. I love how they form together to make words, sentences, worlds. Figures and numbers, not so much, but I accept their use in everyday life. However, there is one day a year that I utterly despise figures, numbers, and particularly, letters: results day.

I am guilty of valuing my worth on my results, allowing it to determine whether I am good enough, or otherwise. But, so what? I am judging my past self by judging my results. I am not that person anymore. I have a future, and things can change - there are always resits. Those bolded letters do not take into consideration how I may have been feeling, what I could have been struggling with, or the  challenges of life that hit me like a tonne of bricks. You cannot judge yourself by those letters.

Last year it was significant in regards to whether I would get back to school or not, and this year is the same. The anxiety has been bubbling within me as to what on earth am I going to do if I don't get back. Well, to put it bluntly, I will survive.

If tomorrow I open that envelope to reveal three fails; life will go on. 

If it reveals three A's; life will go on. 

If my results are just about "good enough"; life will go on. 

If my results are better than anticipated, then marvellous; life will still just go on. 

No matter what those three letters signify; life. will. go. on. 

It would be wonderful to get the grades I would only ever dream of, but it does not change anything. It doesn't change the effort I put into my work (no, regret cannot change how hard you worked or procrastinated). It doesn't change my worth. It doesn't change my friends, or how they view me. It doesn't change what type of person I am - if I am kind, it doesn't make me mean; if I am harsh, it doesn't make me soft; if I am bitter, it doesn't make me sweet. It doesn't change who I am. Those letters are just letters. 

Life is hard enough as it is, so I ask you to be careful on results day. Take caution and do not let jealousy, or over-bearing pride, overcome you. You don't know who you may affect with your words. But more importantly, treat yourself with care. If you do well then it does not move you up the social hierarchy, and if you do poorly, you are not moved down. 

You are still the person you were before you got your results: you are still worthy. 

Take care, and best of luck,